Finding Myself in the Ayers Family Tree

This is a picture of the Ayers Family Tree—my paternal family tree, written by my great-uncle, Samuel Ayers. I never even knew he existed until I saw his name on the cover of this document back in 2018. At first, it was just an emailed PDF, a scan of a xerox of a copy of the original. As rough as it looked, I was immediately thrilled. Inside were pages of information, each entry offering a few paragraphs and sometimes a photograph or picture of every family member described through the generations. It also included an actual tree diagram that included my father, along with the names of his parents and his three sisters. These were names I had always known, but seeing them in print carried an unexpected power.

The family tree landed in my inbox after I connected with a distant cousin through 23andMe. I know many people are wary of endeavors like this, but for me, it was a chance to finally learn more about the paternal family I’d never known. If you’ve read my memoir, My Life in the Sunshine, you know that this document was a gateway—the thing that opened the door to an amazing new world. Through it, I’ve connected with so many family members, especially after my book was published and during the book tour that followed. One of the most meaningful connections came in 2023 when I met my cousin, Kitty, for the first time at a book event in Washington, DC. A few months later in December 2023, we had dinner in Redlands, CA, where Kitty handed me a beautifully reproduced version of the family tree. It was much cleaner and clearer than the version that had lived on my computer for years.

Fast forward to December 2024—two weeks ago—when Kitty and I met again for dinner in Palm Springs. This time, she gave me something even more special: her original copy of the Ayers Family Tree. Holding it in my hands was an entirely different experience.

I know many of you who read this Substack share my appreciation for physical goods. Most of my life exists in the digital realm, but I still love opening a book on a flight or committing to both sides of an album at home on a Sunday afternoon. This family tree is an extreme version of that sentiment. It doesn’t contain any new information or hidden chapters, but the physicality of it somehow makes it feel more profound. The heavy, textured cover stock is a shade of pinkish-peach that seems to belong to another era, one where such paper was still in production. The white pages, though beginning to pull away from the staples, remain crisp and their corners sharp.

My name isn’t in this document. It was created nine years before I was born. And even if I had existed then, I know I wouldn’t have been included. That’s what makes this moment so extraordinary. Decades later, to have Kitty—someone I didn’t even know existed until recently—hand me this beautiful artifact, to let go of something so meaningful to her and her family, and to tell me that I deserve it, is a holiday gift I’ll treasure forever.

with Kitty in Washington, DC, March 2023

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All 20 episodes of Identified Season 1 are live now. Episode one is with Karen Ayers, a living descendant of the man who enslaved my paternal ancestors. After that, it’s a rapidly growing list of musicians, comedians, authors, chefs and friends talking about family. Identified is available on all major podcast platforms, 100% free and ad free. You can watch short video clips on YouTube and Instagram. Watch for Season 2 in 2025.

Listen: Apple Spotify Amazon Bandcamp Website

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My memoir is called My Life in the Sunshine. You can order it here, or listen to the audiobook on Spotify.

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I hope to see you somewhere soon. Upcoming events are always listed here.

Nabil Ayers / Brooklyn

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