Happy Loving Day
SLC, Milwaukee & Chicago this week
When my mother recounts stories from my childhood, she inevitably includes the comments her neighbors made about her “beautiful adopted baby.” My mother was often met with a look of confusion when she responded that I was not adopted, placing into question the progressive New York City that I remember as a child in the seventies.
When I was 10, my mother and I moved from NYC to Salt Lake City, and for the first time, people asked me if I was adopted. The question felt intrusive, and each time I’d answer, feeling confrontational, “No, I just look more like my father.” I knew that wasn’t exactly true: my mother and I have often been told how similarly we smile. Even then, my defensive response made me feel bad—like I was abandoning my obvious maternal traits in order to appease someone who only saw my Afro and the color of my skin. But I kept answering that way.
I eventually learned to let the small transgressions like requests to touch my Afro roll over me—justifying them as not ill intentioned. If anyone asked, I said that my parents were divorced—something that still held a stigma in Salt Lake, but less so, and with less explanation than the truth. I never called anybody out when they asked if I was adopted or if I was poor. But internally, I wasn’t completely at ease. I absorbed the burden of explaining that I wasn’t adopted or poor, which became a tiresome reminder that no matter how much I thought I fit in, I was still different. I eventually found great friends, and I loved the 7 years I spent in SLC, and I'm excited to return tomorrow.
My memoir My Life in the Sunshine is out now. I’d love it if you picked up a copy at your local independent bookstore. It’s also available at all the big places, and for your Kindle as well. There’s an audiobook that I spent 20 hours of my life reading (it’ll only take 7 hours to listen). If you want the 7-minute version of the book, check out this CBS Saturday Morning segment that ran over the weekend.
I’m excited to see some of you at my remaining book tour events, which continue Monday in Salt Lake City, and hit Milwaukee and Chicago later this week.
More details and updates can be found HERE. More dates in July and August will be announced soon.
I hope to see you in the coming weeks
Nabil Ayers / Brooklyn